New Rul's for Saturday, May 10th 2008


Stupidity is not a crime


Even if it should be, it's not up to the judges to decide this for us. Today the father of an 18-year-old girl was sent to jail for six months because his adult daughter failed to pass her General Equivalency Diploma test. The judge originally had good intentions in mind, but now he's officially lost his mind. He ordered the father to "stay on top" of his daughter's education because she had trouble in high school (while living with her mother). Now the 18-year-old girl has an 18-month-old daughter of her own, she's a legal adult, and her father is being punished for her in-actions. I can't be the only person that thinks either this judge has gone bad shit, or this isn't America anymore. Family or not, an American adult should not be punished for the actions of another adult, period. And what are we going to do about all the parents who have children with Down's syndrome? And since when was it against the law to not get your GED? We can make our own choices in this country, and if somebody chooses not to be educated that's their choice, but they shouldn't be allowed to be judges!

New Rul's for Wednesday, May 7th 2008


Keep your pot away from the pot-trial


A woman in Houston who was a juror in a marijuana-possession case, was caught smoking a joint outside the court house before the trial! What's worse is she didn't even bring enough for the whole jury. But maybe she should have, and if everybody in the court room was high they would see how stupid it is that we're wasting so much time and money over a plant. Plus the judge wouldn't remember why anybody was there and the case would be dismissed.



New Rul's for Saturday, April 26th 2008


Teachers don't have to be body builders


An 8-year-old boy in Florida got into a fight with a few of his classmates over crayons, and he also punched his teacher when she tried to step in. The police came and all that good stuff, but the child's grandmother said "If he was overpowering her that much, I feel like she shouldn't be in that line of work". Let's remember this is a school, not a fucking jail or detention center. The teachers are there to teach, not raise your damn kid. This is a problem with the parents not being responsible for their child, and actually parenting. Because if we only had cops and body builders teaching our kids, you know for security reasons, we would end up with a country full of self-centered, ignorant, stupid kids. And that won't work because my generation already had that luxury.


New Rul's for Friday, April 25th 2008


Red Bull does give you wings


A man who drank four cans of Red Bull a day has finally passed away. You couldn't expect him to last very long at a rate of four a day, but what gets me is that the cause of death was said to be "natural causes". This is the exact opposite of a naturally-caused death. This was a death caused by a drug overdose. Because with all the sugar and caffeine, that's what Red Bull really is, a drug. And yes this drug can give you wings. You'll be dead, but you'll have wings.


Police do more than protect and serve


In Massachusetts, they're now instilling a sense of fear in the people they are protecting and serving. The city's new police commissioner said his police officers will now wear black military-style uniforms to deal with youth violence. Maybe they should put some skulls on their uniforms to make them really scary! They think the new uniforms will send a message to criminals that officers are serious about making arrests, because the badge, gun, sirens and police dog weren't getting the point across. So unless these new black uniforms have fucking time machines in them, they aren't going to cut down on youth violence.

New Rul's for Wednesday, April 23rd 2008


Teachers have to be old and ugly


Next month, the world's youngest college professor will be starting her new job at Konkuk University, at the ripe age of 19. Initially this is an amazing story. Alia Sabur was in college at 10, working on her bachelor's of science degree at 14, and now she's ready to spread her knowledge to her student, who happen to be her same age. Not only that, she's hot! But listen, we've had an outbreak of female teachers sleeping with their young male students here in America, and I know for a fact this isn't going to help the situation. A young attractive teacher who spent her childhood in school instead of with boys, now thrown into the college world after puberty. Young, attractive and horny, a trifecta from hell! I'm not saying she shouldn't be a teacher, it's a very noble job, but spend 19 more years traveling the world, learning about foreign men and living your life. Then when you're 40, old and ugly, you'll be ready to be a teacher.


God doesn't like discrimination against religions


The two founders of The Church of the Universe were convinced of trafficking marijuana, which church members have used as a sacrament for the past 30 years. They must have found a lot of weed to arrest these church founders for marijuana trafficking, right? Between the two men they found 6 grams of pot worth about $70. So along with a two year prison sentence, Federal prosecutors are seeking to have the Church's $98,000 property forfeited under the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act. Meanwhile, Catholic priests have been "playing" with underage boys for years with absolutely no legal recourse. And considering all religions are crazy, it's not fair to discriminate against certain churches for any reason. If one church is above the law, they all have to be. But if we're going to send two pot-heads to jail for smoking weed for God, it's time to start rounding up some priests for touching boys for God.


Forcing somebody to do something is Un-American


A student in Tennessee was kicked out of class for refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. She originally didn't give a reason for refusing, which is fine. No matter what her reason was she can't be forced to say something she doesn't want so say, and she shouldn't be punished for it. Originally, the school forced her to transfer to night classes where they don't recite the Pledge of Allegiance. That is until this girls lawyer told the school she refused because she is a devout Christian and believes in only pledging her allegiance to God. She was immediately told she can re-join the day class, and does not have to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Which brings up the double-standard of religion, she claimed she had an issue with term "I pledge allegiance to the flag" because she's a Christian. If an Atheist refused to recite the pledge because he had an issue with the term "One nation under God", would he have been treated the same way? I think he would probably be forced to go to class at 9PM, learning, while the Christians are praying. Plus this is a public school which means religion has to stay out, so forcing everybody else to still recite the pledge while she sits out because of religion seems deeply Un-American too.

New Rul's for Monday, April 21st 2008


You can't legislate dissent


Russell Pearce, R-Arizona, proposed legislation that would effectively ban dissent "from the values of American democracy and western civilization, including democracy, capitalism, pluralism and religious toleration" in public schools. Republicans are too loose with their terminology while writing laws. This proposal is so broad that they could probably kick a student out of public school for wearing a shirt that said "Dissent is American". And are they going to outlaw the teaching of the American Civil War as well? Because dissent against the government is apparently un-American, even if it's for just reasons. And that's why this bill is bull shit. The people in power are not always the people who are correct, and if the people in power start putting limits on the people who are correct, this great nation can never survive. Plus, I'll be out of a job.

New Rul's for Sunday, April 20th 2008


George Bush is no longer relevant


I know his term is coming to an end, but it seems like every day the President seems even less relevant than the day before. He throws the first pitch at a baseball game, he picks up the Pope from the airport, and he tap dances for John McCain! Now on Monday, George Bush is going to appear on Deal or No Deal to "honor" an Iraqi veteran who will be on the show. I think if our Iraqi vets have to go on Deal or No Deal, the president shouldn't be showing up to honor him, he should be showing up to make sure every fucking brief case has $1 million in it. I'm sure if you can rig an election, you can rig a game show.